Now I'm confused

Tonight, I IMed with ThumbSucker. Per his coordinating doctor’s recommendation, he needs to retain an attorney to draft a will in the event he “cannot decide some stuff in the future.”
Additionally, he may need to think about selling the loft depending how sick he becomes from the next round of C treatment. If he becomes so sick, he cannot work.

IM CONVO (with notes)
ThumbSucker: I am not on the new stuff yet....if my tests keep coming back like they have, then it will be full on chemo.
ThumbSucker: I just really need to stop being distracted by it and work as hard as I can while am ok
ThumbSucker: also need to figure out how the treatment differs in europe and how i would transition if I am bad when I lose the insurance

(So ThumbSucker’s ex is a doctor at Kaiser, and legally they still have domestic partner status.)

ThumbSucker: well it's like this.... as soon as the domestic partnership is dissolved, I am not eligible anymore
me: so when will it be dissolved?
ThumbSucker: depends what the attorney has to say, I also think [ThumbSucker’s ex bf’s name] has got pretty tight with the guy he is seeing - they are moving in together etc...
me: wow
ThumbSucker: they are going to China and Thailand next week for a month

(So ThumbSucker’s ex is dating a doctor. Ha! “Is there a doctor in the house?”)

ThumbSucker: the Dr. is a contractor and has no insurance coverage right now also
me: oh wow. that’s just sounds odd.
ThumbSucker: yeah, I thought so too
me: a doc without insurance. at least he can diagnose himself.
ThumbSucker: true : )
ThumbSucker: if/when it happens, i will deal with it - just have to do the research up front
ThumbSucker: big downside of the US.... insurance

(I have Kaiser, but it’s not the titanium platinum diamond-encrusted plan that ThumbSucker currently has through his ex. So I asked if his treatment would be covered with my plan.)

me: i have the blue card.
ThumbSucker: it would cover it. but we would have to be in a place at that time where that made sense.

(OK, so I may no longer be a practicing Catholic, but I feel crappy – major guilt for some reason. Heck, all I have is asthma, eczema and I break out when I’m stressed or don’t sleep... But at the same time, I’m glad that he thought and said what he did.)

ThumbSucker: I would want to be on your insurance at the point where you were happy with me and not out of obligation
me: yep, i agree.
ThumbSucker: I didn’t mean to say so much tonight... I know you have a lot on your plate

(Uh, not as much as what’s on his.)

me: when is your next treatment?
ThumbSucker: Tuesday
ThumbSucker: Talk to you later, love u

-----
OK, I’ve always said that ThumbSucker is a good guy, but he’s just high-maintenance and needy... And he drives me insane with the crap he does. But now he’s in trouble. I’m confused.

We talked on the phone as well. Goodness, he sounds mellow. It must be the Valium one of the doctors prescribed him. He’s actually been pleasant that past couple days. “What a difference… A pill makes...”

Current iPod Playlist

Playlist created March 14, 2006

Let me know if you'd like a burned CD to enjoy privately.

1. Busta Rhymes – Touch It (Vocal Up)
2. Busta Rhymes & Flipmode Squad – Angel (Chillout Mix)
3. Chris Joss – You’ve Been Spiked
4. Ursula 1000 – Savoir Faire (Thievery Corporation Mix)
5. Mylo – Valley of the Dolls
6. Mylo – Emotion 98-6
7. Thunderball – Road to Benares
8. Abakus - That Much Closer...
9. Depeche Mode - Precious
10. Elton John - Levon
11. Goo Goo Dolls – Better Days (Acoustic Version)
12. The Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu
13. Rank 1 – Airwave (ATB Remix)
14. Run-DMC – Beats to the Rhyme
15. Run-DMC – Rock Box

The Sprinkler

A-Lib will be in house late-April. (BTW, this guy is semi-notorous for his Sprinkler Dance. If you are not familiar with The Sprinkler Dance, go here for a video example. Note, A-Lib is not the asian dude.)

At any rate, I’m excited. I’m always game to hang out with peeps from the East Coast – East Coast or WestSIDE, it doesn’t matter. Biggie... 2Pac... It doesn't matter. As they say in New York, "Fugeddaboutit.”

What’s on the agenda? Mets vs. Giants game for sure! I do not yet know what seats we’ll get, but there is nothing like bleacher seats... As part of DannyGT’s (ex bf’s fraternity brother) birthday outing at Giants games, we’d yell at Bonds since he played left outfield. Nothing like talking smack about Bonds’ granny, how he’s a wash-up or how his pants made it look like he needed to “drop a deuce”… It’s all part of the experience, just like the seventh inning stretch and the cable car race on the big screen. And there is something about spending your kid’s college tuition for garlic fries, nachos, hot dogs and Miller Lite... You just do it. And despite whatever image New Yakers have of San Francisco peeps, we *do not* sip merlot and snack on brie at games!

IM CONVO
A-Lib: so that means the baseball game at SBC is definitely Tuesday or Wednesday
A-Lib: and you better get your Mets groove on since you dance
A-Lib: i don't dance...only the sprinkler on occasion
me: HAHHAHAHAH
me: i'm dying over here. you DID NOT just say the sprinkler.
A-Lib: oh hells yeah. you do the Sprinkler to Clarence Carter's Strokin
A-Lib: the key is to do the sprinkler to the rhythm

I’ll make sure to request “Strokin’” so A-Lib can get his sprinkler on. Psssh, psssh, psssh. Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Psssh, psssh, psssh. Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta!

What else is on the agenda? Sushi galore. Tasty dim sum. Spicy food. Oh it's on, baby. We're going crazy with this one. No representing Weight Watchers here!

Madness

ThumbSucker saw a neurologist today who said he may not have adult ADD as some of the symptoms he experiences are due to migraines. When he has migranes he can’t remember his phone number or the floor number of the loft.

The doctor prescribed a beta-blocker to improve blood flow to the brain. What’s crazy is ThumbSucker can not consume anything citrus-based as that will case a severe allergic reaction – major swelling of his throat. So although the neurologist said ThumbSucker may not have adult ADD, he’s not ruling it out.

Unfortunately, doctors can not properly and accurately diagnose ThumbSucker with an MRI because he has a metal plate in his face from when he was carjacked and beaten. Because ThumbSucker will begin to see more doctors for diagnosis and treatment, a coordinating doctor was assigned to help ensure that information is communicated across all doctors and that the medicine prescribed will not negatively react to or counter one another.

I had to get away, so I headed up to the LC. Tonight, while working on a PR plan, we had an IM conversation. Seems the meds (or valium) he started taking is mellowing him. We can actually have a conversation without heated emotions.

IM CONVO
me: you just need to be good and listen. so that means you need to encourage the doctors you meet with to find a solution.
ThumbSucker: yep. even though the news wasn’t that good today regarding the C issue, i feel much stronger mentally than I did.
me: good.
ThumbSucker: if the news remains not so great I might tell my mother slowly just in case anything was to happen so it wouldn’t come out of left field to her.
me: true. good idea.
ThumbSucker: you know, I love you more than maybe you realize - if it starts to look like this is going to be a big deal that is going to be tough to beat I would want you to move on with your life and find someone who would be around in the long run. I wouldn’t want you to feel tied to me because of anything - even if I lost [ex bf’s name] coverage I could always go home to Universal Health Care.
me: ok. but trust me, i'm not leaving you because of this. i'm leaving because of the madness i've experienced. seriously, i'm in a worse-off position mentally. i feel so drained. i think you do not know how i've felt for the last 2.5 years. because of you, i stopped hanging out with a lot of friends. that was important to me...
me: within that amount of time, you've sucked my life and will. i no longer have the energy and ambition i once had. i can probably say that i'm depressed.
me: you don't have to respond to any of this.
me: i just thought i'd repeat some of things i've tried to repeatedly communicate to you.
ThumbSucker: I understand - I do realize at this point, oddly I feel calm enough to take that in.
me: compared to three years ago, i'm a much more angry, yet sad person. you've driven me to insanity.
me: you took a lot away from me. just because you're going through something doesn't mean i will not repeat all these things.
me: i want to remind you as often as possible of the impact you've had on me.
ThumbSucker: I don’t mind if you go repeat them - I think you should.
ThumbSucker: I can’t undo anything and I understand that whether on purpose or not all that happened took a toll on you. Today was strange because they told me some bad things but I had clarity for the first time in a long while that I could look at things matter of factly. My one wish that you get to see who I am on the inside through this clarity - maybe I can actually project who I am once this haze of whatever has lifted.
me: we'll see.
ThumbSucker: i think I can make you proud of me one day if I get past the C stuff
me: as i've mentioned numerous times, you do not have any equity with me. the thing is prior to knowing about the C stuff, you were still hellish.
ThumbSucker: I understand that and I understand that nothing changes that but I hope to show you one day if I get the chance that isn’t whom I am me: ok. but understand that i will be hard pressed to believe.
ThumbSucker: I know that but that's something I can build again with you if I have the chance.
ThumbSucker: I dont want to sound like some freak but I feel really different, it's almost like I have some answers that wern’t there before.
me: ok. so we'll see. hey, i need to get back to this PR plan.
...
...
...
ThumbSucker: I am very proud of you - you are a good thing on multiple levels
me: i try. i expect great things of people i know on a personal and professional level.
ThumbSucker: that's why I want to be with you - you challenge me, you are my sounding board, you give me ideas and a different way of looking at things.
me: i know life is not always fair, but i become upset if there are obstacles in the way that i can not manipulate. ThumbSucker: that's what makes you you... that's why you are different from most people, in the gay world at least.
ThumbSucker: despite of all the noise and static we have something special, I love our time puttering around shops, going to movies, taking bart, laying on your chest, smelling your skin, holding your warm hands, listening to your playlists. you are so many things to me. you give my life its colour.
me: interesting. i feel the inverse of what you think.
ThumbSucker: well that's what you are to me. if someone asked me what the perfect moment is it would be holding your warm hand on a cold day
ThumbSucker: how's the pr plan coming along?
me: it looks like new york in the night from the sky - all lit up with tracked changes!
ThumbSucker: : (
ThumbSucker: So let's not fight anymore, I love you, I want to grow old with you.
me: well, as i've stated numerous times, i need to see a change.
me: because the last 2.5 years does not make me want to spend any time with you.
ThumbSucker: you will see changes with me - I promise you.
me: i've heard that numerous times.
ThumbSucker: I want to make you proud of me one day.
me: ok, but so far, you've made me depressed, sad and angry... and irritated.
ThumbSucker: Finbar misses you - he is sitting on your seat
ThumbSucker: another kp/doctor session tomorrow
ThumbSucker: I am gonna sleep now..... miss you, sleep well
ThumbSucker: night good thing :)
me: g'night.

Me so crazy

Later in the night after the flat tire incident things went from bad to worse. I really just want out with ThumbSucker. I’m going crazy!

However, this morning, he told me last week the doctor diagnosed him as having adult ADD. “Oh great! So for the last two and a half years I thought I was going insane!” After all this time some doc tells ThumbSucker there is a problem. Heck, for the last two and a half years I thought I was going mad! I was ready to check myself into the funny farm. Seriously, ThumbSucker’s doc said adult ADD generally leads to divorce. If not divorce, then the affected person’s significant other is generally extremely frustrated. Seriously, I could have diagnosed ThumbSucker two years ago... Because I was going insane then.

I’m sure glad it took one person (not close at all to) ThumbSucker to tell him he can’t focus and that will f-up his relationship. Great, just great. Now I’m pissed.

So what will happen? Well, ThumbSucker may begin popping meds to treat his condition. Supposedly they should have a dramatic effect almost instantly. I can’t wait really. Actually, I’m excited to see if there is any difference. Is this f’ed up?

At any rate, if the meds work, then 1) I’ll change ThumbSucker’s name to PillPopper; and 2) I’ll be a positive customer reference for the drug manufacturer. But we’ll see. If things change for the better, then that means I’ll reevaluate things with ThumbSucker. Because I really can’t go on. I really am close to checking myself in, because I've already checked out.

I must watch the movie Thumbsucker again. The lead character had ADD and took meds to treat it. Once he took the meds he became extremely focused and was productive. This is why I’m excited to see what effect the meds will have on ThumbSucker.

What’s odd is ThumbSucker manages just fine in his professional life. He gets shit done. It’s his personal life (especially me) that suffers. Anxiety and stress cause the ADD to kick in big time. But he’ll procrastinate on things, and that causes the stress and anxiety. For the past week, ThumbSucker has been prepping for the 2005 tax season, which is stressing him out. This also explains the whole flat tire incident the other night… He was not able to focus on getting his task done at the office, and because of the flat tire, he went bizzerk. Lucky me, I know.

So we’ll wait and see. You know how some spouses go away for a couple weeks to attend some spa or hippy spiritual trip to rejuvenate and lose weight, and then they return home a new person? Well, I told ThumbSucker I want to go away for a couple weeks, and return to see if he changed dramatically. Heh.

Supposedly if he takes the meds he will no longer require me to hold him in bed. Seriously, the only way he’ll fall asleep is if I spoon him and hold him with both arms. What usually happens is the blood circulation stops in my left arm, so I wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning with a sore arm. Again, I can’t wait to see if the meds work. But I really hope he'll stop sucking his thumb if he begins popping. Huh, maybe I'll call him Mary Poppins. Ha!

Of anyone I’ve met and interacted with in my life, ThumbSucker takes the cake for having the greatest impact. Having been with him, I can honestly say I am nowhere near the same person. Seriously, I hope I can regain my sanity.

Please, to the higher being somewhere, wherever... Spare me, please.

What a Weekend

Friday, March 24
ThumbSucker wanted to watch Shadow Crossing, a play that begs provocative questions about where you stand on immigration and human rights. I was thoroughly impressed and pleasantly surprised by the acting, but more impressed at how I felt after the play - alive. Until tonight, I had forgotten how much I miss going to plays. With so many – (IMHO) non-wholesome and non-thought provoking – movie choices provided by Hollywood that glamorize boobs, cleavage, sex, senseless killing, wasteful behavior, Shadow Crossing is a breath of fresh air.

Don’t get me wrong, Goonies is still my favorite movie... Maybe I’m upset that most movies produced as of late are crap. Idle movies, I’ll call them.

Tonight, we decided to take municipal transportation as I didn’t feel like driving to Berkeley, which meant we would take a bus to the Embarcadero Center, and then take BART to Berkeley. On the bus ride to the Embarcadero Center along Third Street, just south of AT&T Park (formerly SBC Park and Pac Bell Park), we noticed a large number of people walking to the ball park. I thought they were going to watch a Giants game, but ThumbSucker noticed that they didn’t look like the baseball game going type.

Turns out the more than 25,000 teens were going to the Battle Cry gathering, a two-day event put on by right-wing Christian fundamentalists. “Battle cry for a Generation” gathering aims to guide young people away from a popular culture that the organizers say glamorizes drugs, violence and sex, and “reclaims the values that made this nation great.”

Link to The Chronicle’s coverage of pre-day-one festivities.
Link to The Chronicle’s coverage of the concert.

It was pretty scary seeing the sea of attendees. (G'damn sheep.) ThumbSucker instantly was depressed, saying that this country is going south, fast. I agree. He also said that the event should not be held in San Francisco. I disagreed with him. As much as I do not care for the religious-right, they have every right to organize at AT&T Park. They paid for the event, and they have the freedom of speech. But it is very, very scary what is being taught to our kids. This country is comprised of extremes, and I wish there could be a middle ground.

I told ThumbSucker that in some ways I agree with what the Battle Cry movement is working against – the violence, sex, drug use, etc. But I think we should not use “God” as the answer, nor should our politicians make decisions based on faith. Our country has made way too many mistakes using that method. Also, remember when people were burned at the stake?

My friend Abs continues to have arguments with her boyfriend as she wants to raise kids Catholic, and the boyfriend wants to raise kids without religion. Just a little background on Abs… She was raised Catholic, and attended Notre Dame High School, the sister school to the Jesuit (all-boys) high school I attended. I was raised Catholic, but no longer practice – I do not attend mass on Sundays, nor receive Communion, etc. I think I got out of it what I need – The Golden Rule, “do on to others as you wish them do onto you.” Here is an example of how I apply it in everyday life: cut me off on the highway, and I’ll return the favor. I’m kidding(!!)… Well, partially.

At any rate, Abs wants to have kids, and raise them Catholic until they are 18-years-old. This means Catholic schooling and church on Sundays. The boyfriend’s reason for raising kids without religion is religion is mind control. Abs is an English and writing teacher at a South Bay high school. The overall student body is conservative and homophobic, Abs told me. “Fundies,” Abs calls them. Over dinner a few weeks ago, I told her that I completely understand why her boyfriend, a civil and marriage attorney, does not want religion around the kids. “Abs, the Catholic church is the same thing – mind control. It’s just not as extreme or obnoxious as the Evangelicals.” Abs asked, “So what should I do? I want to raised my kids Catholic. It’s important to me.” “Well Abs, it’s important to Dennis that [if you marry] both of you not raise kids with religion. This is fundamental shit here. This would be the source of future arguments. You now this. There really is no middle ground on this one. Unless either of you give in, you may as well end things sooner rather than later.”

I know a few people who were raised without religion, and they turned out to be fine, well-adjusted, productive and contributing members of society.

All this forces me to take my 16-year-old sister out for ice cream, and have a talk with her about how she needs to seek out what she believes. She attends mass with my mother every week. (Poor thing, I know what that was like.) And I want my sister to make her own, educated choices. By this, I mean she would expose herself to many different religions and learn about atheism too. She’s a smart girl, and I don’t want people to decide what she should believe in. *Ahem* Granted, I talk with her about how our current president is an absolute idiot, as well as how the Dems are idiots too for not getting the muthafukka out of office and present us with legit candidates. But, I always encourage her to find out for herself. Heh, I’ll point her to this site.

In a future posting, I’ll write about my last girlfriend, a Seventh Day Adventist… Oh man. Stay tuned for this one.

Sorry to digress. So Shadow Crossing is a great play...

ThumbSucker and I didn’t eat dinner tonight. So after returning to San Francisco, we went to the Equinox, a revolving rooftop restaurant. I had a Guinness. ThumbSucker had a Mojito. And we shared an order of buffalo chicken quesadillas.

At Midnight, we were beat. We took the number 15 bus from Second and Market to 26th and Third, and then walked a few blocks to the loft. No signs of Battle Cry.

Saturday, March 25
At Noon, we walked to Starbucks, then to Room & Board, then to the San Francisco MOMA, and then to the downtown area to look at a few shops. We didn’t buy anything, so today was a window-shopping day.

At 5:30 p.m., we ate dinner at Chevy’s. At 6:30 p.m., we watched Thank You for Smoking. Goodness this is a hilarious movie. Go see it! For anyone who works in PR, this movie glamorizes some of what we do. (No, we do not reveal secret corporate information while banging reporters.) But watch this movie – you’ll crack up.

After the movie, we walked to Second and Market to take the bus back to the loft. The bus was packed! Until tonight, I’ve not been on a packed bus. It was crazy! To add to the uncomfortable situation - that is smelly peeps surrounding you - we were stuck in traffic. Why? Battle Cry day deux.

Buses and SUVs, transporting God-loving teens clogged the streets. What an inconvenience, I said. But hey, it’s the same deal if the Giants were playing. They have the right. Tolerance never seems to be a two-way street.

My feet were blistered by the end of the night from all the walking. I need to figure this out. Is it my shoes or my socks? Either way, I hate blisters.

After the Battle Cry fiasco, ThumbSucker is depressed, and wants for us to move to Ireland or London. “Maybe you could work out of the London office...” Uh, no. I can’t. More like, I won’t. I’d rather continue to fight till some end, then leave if that was the last resort.

Sunday, March 26
We had dim sum at Ocean Restaurant. This is damn tasty dim sum on the cheap! Seriously, the seafood is always fresh. And g’dammit the cilantro prawn dumplings are just so f’ing tasty. Seriously. Check it out some time.

After dim sum, we drove to the Cliff House, and walked along what used to be the Sutro Baths. ThumbSucker picked flowers for a bouquet. He told me when he was a kid he made perfume from flowers. “Oh really? How’d it turn out?” “It gave my sister a skin irritation,” answered ThumbSucker. “I guess that cut that prospect then and there. You sure nipped it in the bud.”

We both cut the afternoon short as we both needed to work.

In the evening, ThumbSucker had to go to the office, but had a flat tire after only driving two blocks. I told him to use my car to go to the office, and we’ll change the flat tire for the spare when he returns. But he no longer wanted to go to the office, but rather wanted to “deal with this now,” pointing to the flat tire.

Because ThumbSucker can’t change a flat tire, it was assumed I would do it. Heck, I used to always rotate my tires every 5,000 miles back in the rice rocket days. But I didn’t feel like changing the tire “right now.” So we got into an argument. ThumbSucker said he didn’t expect me to change his tire (BULLSHIT!), and what he meant was he wanted to deal with the “situation” now. Whatever. I was pissed. The guy pointed to his tire, and said “I want to deal with this right now…” What else am I to think? He won’t change a tire. So this means he wanted me to.

I think my frustration lies with Thumbersucker being a man-child. For crying out loud, he can’t change a f’ing tire? Goodness.

This is what I mean by having my “right hand guy.” ThumbSucker is not that guy. It’s so f’ing frustrating. He calls me homophobic. I don’t think I am. It’s just that I need certain things from the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Being able to change a tire is one of them.

Also, in order for him to sleep, I must hold him. “I must be held. I must be held.” So just imagine if I want to stay up. Goodness, I get so much grief.

I need to get out of this. Seriously.

Since this posting is so long, I may as well keep it going. I IMed with my buddy “DownOver” in Australia (Get it? Instead of Down Under, it’s DownOver. Har har.), and vented some of my frustrations regarding ThumbSucker.

Hey, DownOver: I know we all were teased as kids about our names, but, just be glad your first name isn’t Bend. ;-)

IM Convo
DownOver: still working?
me: no
DownOver: how’s the bf?
me: he's a pain.
DownOver: how so?
me: he can't change a spare tire.
me: so i'm frustrated with him.
DownOver: that’s very gay
me: what is?
DownOver: i've never understood the whole "i like dudes, but i'm a chick" thing
me: yeah.
me: it's so frustrating.
DownOver: have you seen little britain?
me: no
DownOver: there's a character called daffyth who's "the only gay in the village" (i.e., a total drama queen)
DownOver: there's one sketch where the dialogue is "Carry this! I'm a gay you see... we can't lift heavy objects" (in a welsh accent)
DownOver: (as he makes a woman carry his suitcase)
me: gah!
DownOver: too familiar?
me: yes! that hits too close to home.
DownOver: yeah helplessness pisses me off. i don't mind if people don't know how to do something. but if they don't know and show no interest in learning (or watching you do it) it REALLY gets to me. anyway dig up little britain if you ever get the chance
DownOver: its insane but very funny
me: ha. will do.
DownOver: isohunt.com has it if you can be bothered downloading
me: hmm, i've not tried downloading a movie.
DownOver: grab azureus and go nuts :-)
me: that sounds like trouble.
DownOver: most tv shows and a lot of movies available from isohunt
DownOver: its all very illegal and all :-)
DownOver: how’s life otherwise
me: grand. i do not have to be in detroit, michigan this week...
DownOver: hey is detroit as nasty has the movies make it out to be?
me: from what my work buddies tell me, detroit is still pretty ghetto.
me: but ThumbSucker said some of the suburbs are nice.
DownOver: sounds like a lot of cities - the closer you to to MLK, the nastier they are. out in the nice republican suburbs, life is beautiful.
me: it's so depressing. ThumbSucker wants to move back to ireland. and he wants me to come with.
me: i can't. more like, i won't.
DownOver: that’s a big ask
DownOver: how long you been together?
DownOver: [i kinda got the same situation at the end of the year... I'll get offered a job in the US, US immigration won't do squat for the bf, so I gotta hope they're cool with letting me work remotely and come to the US for a couple of months a year]
me: nearly three years.
DownOver: the only real problem is US being run by troglodytes. he's happy to move. but no way he'd get a visa. canada would give us both visas. anywhere in europe would
DownOver: (hell i've got UK citizenship)
DownOver: at least our country was founded by convicts, not puritans
me: ha!
DownOver: Australia's weird... the govt refuses to move on gay marriage, I think our PM fears teh ghey, but the vast majority of the benefits exist already under laws for defacto partnerships (where were quietly extended to same sex aaaaages ago), including immigration
DownOver: but all is good.
DownOver: i'm very domesticated and boring these days
me: ha.
DownOver: though thankfully not sufficiently domesticated to join the sunday brunch crowd
me: no to little drama is always a good thing.
me: haahhahaa. tea time, muthafukkas!
DownOver: haha
DownOver: i think i'm turning into a psudo-homophobic gay guy... i feel like a straight guy who likes dudes, and am COMPLETELY unable to identify with anything gay. even more so since i have a bf who's much the same as me
me: ThumbSucker calls me homophobic.
me: i really want out.
DownOver: him moving is a good excuse... if you can tolerate it until then
DownOver: just gotta hope he takes "don't stay for me" seriously
me: he won't leave unless i leave.
DownOver: oh god
me: yeah.
me: welcome to my catch22.
DownOver: ugh.. .so you gotta be the bad guy :-(
me: yep.

Transamerica

Tonight, we watched Transamerica, a surprisingly good movie about a Los Angeles-based pre-operation transgender man-to-turn-woman who learns he has a 17-year-old son in New York. They both head west, enduring random adventure all the while learning about the other and themselves. Perhaps more than each bargained for.

iTunes has the soundtrack, which is surprising good too.

Give me some filaggrin and Ziploc skin

Scientists at the University of Dundee claim they identified the gene that creates the protein filaggrin, which is important to ensure your skin forms a barrier to keep water in and foreign organisms out. Sounds like Ziploc to me.

So why do I care about this? Because I have asthma and eczemas.

I'll be following this one for developments...

O’Goodness

ThumbSucker, Happyrock, V-Dub and I had breakfast on the upstairs deck as it was nice out. Scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, toast, grapes, apples and bananas. Fairly healthy I’d say… Again, V-Dub had more good stories to tell. I got an update on some of the guys I used to hang out with on a regular basis. Man, there is some drama going on. Aside from my issues with ThumbSucker, I am without drama in my life. This is a good thing, right?

We departed back for San Francisco at 12:15 p.m., and it took more than three hours to get back! Goodness, traffic everywhere! Usually it takes two hours, fifteen minutes. Fionnbharr slept on the rear deck for the entire trip. I hope he’s OK. He seemed slightly out of it.

When we got back to the loft, we cleaned-up, and headed to Marion and Cheryl’s house for the annual St. Patty’s Day party. Goodness, Irish peeps everywhere - 40 or 50 of them. Thank goodness I can understand them. Thanks to ThumbSucker, I know a few Irish words, and can translate for myself... Craic, shagger, fekkin', drink, tAnks, lout, grand, etc.

Nearly everyone is a parent with kids from three months to three years old. Too bad AMarc and EKil no longer live in San Francisco… I know Ekil would have loved this party – all the Irish peeps, mothers and kids…

In Ireland, Marion studied at the Cathal Brugha College of Catering. The food was very tasty – Irish sausage, corned beef hash, cottage/Sheppard’s pie, soda bread, quiche, an assortment of baked desserts and tons of drink. I had my fill of wine, Guinness and Irish coffee.

I saw Liz, her three-year-old kid, Finton and three-month-old, Theodora. Finton has grown so much since I last saw him. And Theodora is just too cute. She has peach-fuzz brownish hair and ocean blue eyes. I met so many other parents and their kids… One mother was sporting a sling-like baby carrier, by New Native. It’s cool. The kid looked so snug.

I swear, everyone I know is having kids, and I’m glad that there are some good parents out there. For some time, I was concerned that parenting was just a novel thing to some people.

OK, I’m dehydrated. I’m going to chug water, and then pass out. G’night.

Catching-up with V-Dub and Happyrock

Friday, March 17
Happy St. Patty’s Day. Today, I wore green boxers so as not to get pinched by anyone. Not that I saw anyone except ThumbSucker as I worked from home at the LC today, and didn’t go out in the evening, and pooped out at 8:00 p.m. I guess my body is still adjusting between Eastern Time and Pacific Time. Goodness, am I getting old to where I no longer can pull all-nighters?

I did however dig a one-foot hole to install a four-foot 4”x4” post to install a new mailbox since a few weeks ago someone careened into our bank of mailboxes.

Also, I spoke with a former colleague who now works for a competitor, and wants me to come over. I said no. I told him what I tell everyone with an offer. “There is still a lot I want to do here, and I would not feel complete until I’ve accomplished them.” But it was good to talk with him. We plan to meet up next week for chow and to catch-up.

Saturday, March 18
I woke up at 4:00 a.m., and got a glass of water, then went back to bed. I awoke at 9:00 a.m. It has been quiet some time since I slept so long, but I guess it’s my body’s way of telling me, “Dude, Ed get some sleep already!”

At 10:00 a.m., ThumbSucker and I began cleaning the house as Happyrock and V-Dub were coming to visit. If you remember, V-Dub was jumped a few weeks ago. And Happyrock turned 26 earlier in the week.

I’m always excited to have visitors. At Noon, we took a break; drove to downtown Kelseyville to have lunch at Studebaker’s and read the San Francisco Chronicle. Afterwards, we drove up to the Safeway in Lakeport for dinner items. On the way back, we stopped at the Kmart in Lakeport. Goodness, this place is G-H-E-T-T-O! I fear for the children born in this town who do not find a way out. It’s really very sad and depressing.

We continued cleaning when we returned to the house, and began prepping for dinner as Happyrock and V-Dob would arrive in a couple hours or so.

At 8:00 p.m., they arrived, after getting lost in the dark. This is why I always advise people to drive to the LC during the day. Listen, people!

So we had dinner and a few bottles of wine, and chatted until 1:00 a.m. It was good to catch-up on things. V-Dub has some interesting stories, and it is he who shares without regard. I’ve become more filtered over the years. I rarely hear anyone tell me, “TMI! TMI!”

Dreaming in Dutch?

Last night, I dreamt someone at the mothership asked me and a few others if we'd move to Amsterdam to open an office so we could establish a presence. "We need one person from sales, marketing, PR, engineering and tech support to launch the office. You need to let us know by tomorrow if you accept this position."

Goodness, I have not been to Amsterdam.

Blast from the past

On my drive back to the office from lunch at Quiznos, I saw the car Gimpy (my first bf) and I bought together, a dark blue 1998 Acura Integra GS-R 4-door. We called it Blueberry. It looks the same as the day when Gimpy and I broke up - clean and dumped.

Oh the street racing days... I remember teaching Gimpy how to drive stick, and Gimpy crashing the car on highway 17, and the all the after-market crap we added to the car (stereo, suspension, bolt-on engine gear).

Catching up

I didn’t want to let too much time pass without posting.

Friday, March 10
I drove from the mothership to west midtown Manhattan, encountering pockets of traffic along the way. In the end, it took 2.5 hours from point A to point B, and this is the commute “against traffic.” As I crawled at 10-15 MPH, I looked at traffic heading east bound, and shuddered. I do not know how people do this commute.

Once I entered the city at the Queens-Midtown Bridge, another 30 minutes past just to get to the Hertz located on 55th Street between 6th and 7th Avenues. ThumbSucker met me there as the hotel is located only a few blocks around the corner. After ridding the car, we walk back to the hotel, dropped off our luggage, and headed out for dinner. We passed a restaurant called Osteria del Circo. It was cheesy, but we were starved. The food wasn’t bad, but definitely overpriced, and the wine was barely drinkable. “You know the wine is bad if I can’t even finish the bottle,” said ThumbSucker.

After dinner, we took the subway to Greenwich Village, to see where Stonewall took place. To be honest, it was anti-climatic, and both ThumbSucker and I felt bad for thinking the same thing. “OK, this is it?” We walked around, before stopping at the local Starbucks for a pick-me-up latte. After walking around for a few more minutes, we decided to call it a night. We both were beat.

On the subway ride to the hotel, I wanted to walk around Columbus Circle even if it the area was closed for the night at 11:00 p.m. ThumbSucker - cranky and all, didn’t want to. His argument is that we should go during the day when the shops are open so there is more to see. I didn’t care to go to the shops. I just wanted to walk around the circle. The visit would add no more than 15 minutes to the evening. His childhood tendencies kicked-in, and I was not having it. “Hey, while I was in the office this week, you were sight-seeing. You went to museums, shops and tourist areas. Tonight, I drove nearly three hours in traffic, and all I want to do is walk around the friggin’ circle.” The remainder of the night was not pretty. *sigh* I was not going to give up this one. But after one hour, I said screw it. I wanted to go to sleep, and to be left alone.

Actually, I wanted to go for a drive, by myself, with the windows rolled down, the heater cranked up, and the 15 tracks of Journey’s Greatest Hits cranked up as well. I wanted to be in the LC – quiet, warm, comfortable.

Saturday, March 11
We woke up, had breakfast in the room then headed out to the Bronx! That’s right, the Bronx. We took the number 2 subway to the Bronx, and walked to the Bronx Zoo. “Tigers, monkeys and mice… How nice.” We also saw leopards, red-tailed pandas and other rodents. Two hours later, our feet were blistered.

We took the number 2 subway back to Central Park, and walked the entire length of park on the east side. Once back at the hotel, we showered, and then headed out for dinner. We headed to Gramercy Park – which seems like a neighborhood on the up and up – to dine at Kitchen 22. I am becoming a fan of the pre fixe dinner. For $25 each, we had the Italian Wedding soup, the pork chops (ThumbSucker) and the chicken wrapped in procicuto (me), as well as the chocolate mousse. The wine was pretty tasty too. Hands down, this was our best dining experience on this trip.

Sunday, March 12
We woke up, got ready, packed, checked-out of the room, and checked-in our luggage with the bell guy.

So ThumbSucker’s has a friend who I will call 2Pay (a lá 2Pac as in Tupac Shakur) because he wears a toupee. 2Pay told ThumbSucker about a store called Century 21. “It’s like a Marshalls, but they sell Prada, Versace, D&G and other designers. We don’t have anything like it in California.” Even though I’m not of the Prada-wearing variety, I was intrigued. We had to check it out.

I saw mayhem when we entered. It looked like Christmas at a department store for goodness sake. ThumbSucker went to town, collecting two baskets of clothes to try on. I found one shirt and a few packs of socks. In the end, ThumbSucker got socks and a shirt for 2-Pay since he cat-sat Fionnbharr.

I purchased a shirt (which I later learned from Mcgoo that he has the same exact one) and a pair of gray and orange Playboy logo socks – happy socks, they are called. MarcusD introduced me to the concept of happy socks – wearing fun and funky looking socks for during the day if you’re feeling sad or down, you look at them and can’t help but to be happy. It’s one way to help take away any seriousness, especially at work. Happy socks… Try them out for yourself. I remember a friend many years ago wore black socks with green frogs on them, and she was always happy.

After Century 21, we went back to Lombardi’s in SOHO for some of that damn tasty pizza. This was like our “last supper” before we head back to San Francisco. Mmm. New York-style pizza… I will dream of it. After the late lunch, we high-tailed it to the hotel, collected our luggage, and took a car to JFK.

See my recent SMS messages for what happen once we boarded the plane. Goodness that was a nightmare. I, along with a few others around me, thought we’d die because of the idiot American Airlines’ “customer representative.” Essentially, our plane had maintenance and mechanical issues. Seriously.

SMS: JUST GOT HOME! I'M BEAT. G'night.

SMS: We're alive. We just landed.

SMS:Something doesn't feel right. If I die. Someone sue AA's ass. Seriously! Don't know what going on, & AA rep is a f'ing ASSHOLE.

SMS: 1st prob was generator warning light. 2nd prob was w/ engine. What will 3rd prob B? If we deboad plane, our luggage continues 2 SFO w/o us.

SMS: AA customer rep is RUDE. Total asshole. I'm writing ltr 2 AA. This is a poor Xperience. Again, don't feel safe. We've not been told NEthing.

SMS: FYI - my flight number is American Airlines 177, JFK 2 SFO... That was supposed 2 leave @ 6:00 PM ET. It's 8:26 PM ET now.

SMS: We're going 2 try this 4 the 3rd time. Just got thumbs up from engineer. Wish us luck. (Pilot hasn't done good job to make us feel safe.)

SMS: I've been in this seat 4 2.5 hrs, & we're still @ the gate. Crazy. So may stay in NYC tonight if American Airlines can't figure this out.

SMS: 2nd attempt Fter 1.5 hrs. Pilot: "It's not working!" I think we're stuck in NY 4 the night. We'll see. Stay tuned. Least I won't die in air.

SMS: Plane was about 2 take off, but the generator warning light came on. Back 2 the gate 4 a tech check. If I die 2night, I love U all. E-Double

SMS: Stuck in traffic on LIE westbound at exit 47. It's 74 degrees. Feels good. :)

SMS: Driving westbound on the LIE heading into the city. Amazing sunset. 61 degrees.

Pizzelle

I just ate a pizzelle, an Italian waffle cookie. I love it!

It's a far more fancy cookie than what you'll discover in a Pepperidge Farms bag because of the design forged by a pizzelle maker. What's better is you can shape a semi-warm pizzelle into a cone for an ice cream snack, or press ice cream between two flat pizzelles for an ice cream sandwich. Either way, you can't lose. Well, you certainly won't lose inches along the waist line because they are so damn tasty, you'll keep eating them. Practice moderation on these babies.

Thanks, but no thanks

Recruiters have been calling a lot as of late for some reason. Today, I received the best offer ever from a recruiter for a legit security networking solutions company located in the Bay Area's Peninsula. (Internal process: hmm, cut commute down to 25 from 65 minutes.) "You would report directly to the VP of marketing, and the compensation package is very attractive." "Oh really," I asked? (Internal process: goodness, it would be a 90 to 100 percent increase.) "And options since the company is pre-IPO. And bonus based on BMO." (Internal process: OK, so we're up to 120 percent.)

"Great," I answered.
Recruiter: So are you interested?
me: You know, I am extremely happy with [mothership name].
Recruiter: Actually, I used to work at [mothership name] as an account manager, but left a not even a year ago.
me: Oh really?

We talked about people he used to work with, as well as some of the products he sold. He retained knowledge of some of the product names, which impressed me.

Recruiter: What areas do you work in at [mothership name]?
I told him, along with my client names.
Recruiter: Oh yes, they came out a couple times to help me on deals. So, are sure you're not interested?
me: Yes, but I tell you what... Shoot me an email, and I'll forward it to some friends and colleagues.
Recruiter: I believe you worked at Edel..., right?
me: Yes.
Recruiter: Would you send it to them?
me: Yes, and a few other pals at other PR firms and vendor companies.
Recruiter: Also, I give iPod for referrals.
me: Splendid!

120 percent increase is incredible, but money is not my M.O. I'm happy where I'm at. There are challenges I first need to win over before I would even consider moving on.

That said, let me know if YOU are interested in the position. I'd love a new iPod. ;)

Stomach

My stomach is wrecked from the Indian food last night. I'm not feeling too hot. I'm eating chicken soup and salad for a couple weeks.

SMS: I take back what I said abt the Indian restaurant. My stomach is killing me 2day! The search 4 another restaurant begins next visit.

Spicy

I left the office at 8:00 p.m. ET and picked-up ThumbSucker from the Ronkonkoma train station at 8:12 p.m. Perfect timing.

Both of us were hungry, but we didn't want burgers, pizza or pasta. We wanted spicy food! I drove east on the LIE, exited on 61, and headed north. I made a left at one of the lights, and drove until we found it. "It" is House of India, located at 2811 Middle Country Road in Lake Grove, NY. Thank goodness we found you.

We had the saag paneer, chicken tikka masala, two orders of garlic naan and two mango lasis. "Mild, medium or hot," asked the waiter. "Hot!" That's right. Indian is damn good food for cold nights, which was tonight - cold. High-30s-cold.

At any rate, we ate, and made our way back to the LIE.

I need to hit the sack soon. I'm STILL on PT.

G'night.

Dreams, resolution and Dehtwah

I don't remember too much from my dream last night, expect that I was running barefoot up San Francisco streets. I slept better last night, but my body still tells me that it's 3:30 a.m. PT when I wake up at 6:30 a.m. in New York.

Today, I will not drink coffee. This decision has nothing to do with recent findings that indicate coffee may increase the risk of a heart attack. I merely want to revert to drinking six to eight cups of green tea each day.

Speaking of coffee and heart attacks, you wonder if Starbucks and other coffee vendors will print a warning label on their coffee-based products. See the surgeon general's report (pdf file) on reducing tobacco use. Perhaps for coffee we'll see, "WARNING: Drinking coffee may stain teeth, contribute to bad breath, possibly dehydrate you and turn your pee yellow among other things." Or perhaps, "WARNING: Coffee is not a safe alternative for bottled water."

Coffee ($3.75 a cup), cigarettes ($4.75 a pack), what's the difference when you're paying for health aches? Who cares, vices are damn fun! Inject meth while at work to kick up the interesting-factor... Be a career home wrecker... It's all good in the hood.

Speaking of the hood, I told Chip I will travel to Detroit at the end of the month. (For a couple of my colleagues, that's Detroit pronounced "Dehtwah" a la "Tarjet," not TARget.)

Chip is from Indiana, and currently lives in Chicago. Although it would be great for Chip to visit while I'm representing 415/408 in the 313, he politely declined. "[my name], I love you, but I don't love you that much to go to Detroit. You need to make sure you don't look like you have anything. If you do not get mugged by the time you return to San Francisco, you'll thank me. It's filthy! It makes Oakland look like Bel Air. It is the f'ing hood. Remember that commercial when a man disguises his car to look like an old beat up Chevy Chevelle or something, but actually it's a Hyundai underneath? That's Detroit! It's the armpit of the midwest. Actually, it's the worst of the armpits of the midwest."

"But I'm going to a professional conference," I said.
Chip: "Your colleagues should do the same - dress as if you do not have anything. If they've been, then they already know."
me: "I've watched 8 Mile."
Chip: "Exactly. Detroit's city motto should be pimps up, hoes down!"

More Tales of New York

Monday, March 6
After work, I took the train to Manhattan.

On the train, a man did not have enough money for a train ride from Ronkonkoma to Farmingdale. To the ticket collector: “Sorry, I only have a dollar. Will you take that?” He paid with four quarters. I was about to offer to pay, but quickly thought that it would not be necessary, and would only make the matter into a situation. Ticket collector: “Yes, sir - no problem. Thank you.” People always tell me that New Yorkers are rude. This may be true, and in the past couple days, I definitely witnessed and experienced behavior to validate this. However, I’ve also seen amazing acts of respect and humanity among New Yorkers. This gives me faith in our human race.

To the man who sat across from me, I hope you reach your destination safely.

Today was the first time to experience rush hour in Manhattan. I’m used to traveling the opposite of traffic. However, this time I was not in my car on Highway 280 or 85. This time, I was not behind the steering wheel. This time, I felt like a salmon, swimming against the rushing current of people wanting to be at their homes. I saw trains and subway car packed to the stretch with commuters. I could only imagine what dead sardines feel. This is the time when you hope your deodorant doesn’t fail you. But more importantly, this is when you hope others’ deodorants do not fail. “Summer, summer, summer time…”

I met ThumbSucker at 34th Street and 7th Avenue. We went into Macy’s, but left shortly after as we both were hungry, and I needed to get back at a decent hour; so our time in the city was limited. We took one of the green line subway cars to Spring Street in SoHo. We knew our purpose – we came to eat at Lombardi’s. I take back what I said when I had that slice of pizza at Penn Station two months ago. This time I truly had f’ing amazing pizza. Toppings: pepperoni, handmade meatballs, wild mushrooms and extra mozzarella cheese. Incredibly delicious! Incredibly tasty! After dinner, we walked to Canal Street and 6th Avenue to catch the 1 subway uptown to Penn Station. We barely made the train back to Ronkonkoma. “Looks like we made it.”

Late in the evening, we got back to the hotel. I got online and on email to catch up on a few things.

I called the front desk to schedule my 6:30 a.m. ET wake up call, and found out that one of the two shuttle vans will be in the shop for repair and maintenance for THE NEXT THREE DAYS! Goodness. Because the hotel has a contract to shuttle employees of the company located across the street, my priority level dropped like cement shoes in the Hudson River. The earliest I could get a ride into the office is 9:30 a.m. 9:30! That means I would not be in the office, and on email until 9:50 or 10:00 a.m.!

A taxi ride each way costs approximately $25, so I decided to reserve a rental car. This is when things go from bad to worse...

Tuesday, March 7
The least expensive car I could get is a white Toyota Corolla from Hertz at the Islip Long Island MacArthur Airport at the rate of $83 per day! Sorry, but WTF? A Corolla for $83 a day? I guess the rules of supply and demand apply here, and Hertz has me by my family jewels. Goodness. Goodness! To date, this is the shaft of the year!

Next time I come out to Long Island… If I come out again; I will rent a car from a car rental service at JFK. Screw that! $83 a day for a Corolla…

After work I picked-up ThumbSucker from the Ronkonkoma train station. That’s right. I decided to make the most of the Corolla while I have it. Immediately we departed for Southampton. We took the LIE east to exit 62S, which is highway 97 southbound. Then we took highway 27 east; to 24 south; to 8 east. 45 minutes later, we were in the downtown area of Southampton.

Southampton was not busy. We drove around, and finally parked in front of the Theory store. We walked across the street to the corner, and entered Le Chef, a small yet charming yet trapped in the 80s preppy pastel restaurant, which offers a $24.95 pre fixe dinner. I had a glass of pinot noir, their caesar salad, shrimp scampi ravioli and cappuccino mousse. ThumbSucker had a few glasses of the cab, their pea zucchini soup, shrimp scampi ravioli and cheese cake. OMG, dinner was tasty. I was beyond content.

50 minutes later, we were back in Hauppauge. I’m beat.

G’night.

Brokeback Mountain Sheep!

I love the sheep in this!

New York

Saturday late-afternoon, ThumbSucker and I arrived at JFK, collected our luggage, took a car service and arrived at Grand Central Station in 50 minutes! 50 minutes! Heck, it usually takes at least 50 minutes to just retrieve my luggage from the carousel.

After freshening-up, we took the Subway to the East Village, and walked to Chelsea to meet Joey and Joseph for dinner at Viceroy. Good lord the walk was cold! What was I thinking by not wearing a beanie or some sort of head protector/warmer? We stopped at a shop, and I purchased a $5 fleece beanie. It saved my noggin from the freeze.

Dinner was splendid! Again, great call Joey. I was excited to finally Joseph, advertising professional, doggy couture, trend setter, fashionista, and the fabulous better-half of Joey. Both Joey and Joseph have some great stories. And Joey does an incredible impersonation of JBurt. I encourage you to ask him to perform this.

Back to dinner... Joseph had the salmon, Joey had Viceroy's onion soup, ThumbSucker had the sheppard’s pie, and I had the fillet mignon. All was tasty!

After dinner we went to the XL Lounge. This place is sweet. The men's restroom has an aquarium in front of a trough. It's a calming experience when you need to pee. Also, apparently XL Lounge was featured in an episode of Sex in the City. Drinks were tasty, the music on, and the guys snooty. Two out of three is not bad. However, the deal breaker for XL Lounge is you can not dance. WTF? Yes, per a "Guliani law," you can not dance at New York City bars or lounges. That is what dance clubs are for. Such a shame as you are tempted to dance with inspiring music. "Get your groove off, get your groove off... Sit down! Show 'em how you cross your leg!"

At just past midnight, we called it a night. ThumbSucker and I high-tailed it in the subway back to Grand Central Station.

Sunday morning, we got ready, checked-in our luggage with the bell guy, and headed for a day of adventure. Originally we planned to go to the Bronx Zoo, but it is only open from April to October. Such a shame as I am looking for any reason to go to the Bronx.

We took the 5 subway to Bowling Green station, walked to Battery Park City, and boarded a ferry boat to Liberty Island then Ellis Island. So that's what the Statue of Liberty looks like up close... But it was painfully cold! Brr!

The museum of the former immigration office is humbling. After reading and watching videos of what immigrants coming to the U.S. experienced, I became a tad misty-eyed. After returning from Ellis Island, we took the 4 subway uptown to 33rd Street and walked to the Empire State Building. Oh my goodness... The view from the 86th floor is absofin'glutely incredible. If it was not shagging freezing, we would have stayed outside longer. But you can see everything - New Jersey, Central Park, Greenwich Village, Upper East Side, The Bronx, Staten Island, Brooklyn, Queens... Everything! Then we went to the 102nd floor. It was more enjoyable because we were indoors, and you could see even farther.

After the ESB, we rushed to get back to the hotel in Grand Central Station to reclaim our luggage, freshen-up, and catch the subway for Penn Station. But before we departed GCS, I went to Hot and Crusty for a chocolate mousse cake for dinner tonight at AMarc's place. I decided that the chocolate cake will be tradition whenever I visit as I brought one to brunch in January. It's quite tasty.

We arrived at Penn Station, specifically track number 18 just four minutes before the train departed for a final destination of Port Washington. By the way, just my advice - do not try bringing big luggage on the subway because it's difficult to pass through the turnstiles. Goodness, ThumbSucker and I looked like a comedy act. So 40 minutes later we were in Plandome with AMarc waiting at the LIRR station. A couple minutes later we were in a warm house. Toasty.

ThumbSucker and EKil chatted about all things Ireland - Limerick University, Trinity University, nuns, marriages, having babies, Catholics, drinking, shops, as well as San Francisco among other things. Goodness - Senan, AMarc/EKil's son, has grown since I last saw him in January. He is the biggest three-month-old baby I've seen. So dinner was pasta with a bolognese sauce (ThumbSucker's favorite any night dinner), followed with the chocolate cake for dessert. Tasty! Then 8:30 p.m. rolled around, and it was time to hit the road.

By 9:30 p.m., we arrived in Hauppauge, and checked into the hotel. I caught up on email, and we watched the Oscars. With so many good movies that screened at the end of 2005, this was the best and most emotional Oscar awards ceremonies I can think of.

It's 12:30 a.m. and I need to wake up in less than six hours. But I'm excited for this week. I like coming to the mothership. And I plan to have chow with some work buds and their better-halves.

Till tomorrow, g'night.

SMS: On LIRR from Penn Station 2 Plandome in Nassau County, Long Island. ThumbSucker & I R having chow w/ AMarc, EKil & son.

SMS: Was on the 102nd floor of the Empire State Building... OMG, incredible views. So that is what Jersey looks like.

SMS: On the 86th floor of the Empire State Building. Amazing! F'ing freezing!

SMS: On ferry 2 Ellis Island & Statue of Liberty. It's shaggin' freezing!

SMS: In flight. ... But I like men, not "boys." Our 3 year is in May. Need 2 decide then. This is 2 painful at times.

SMS: In flight. And he doesn't understand this concept sometimes. And I feel ashamed/embarassed. I know it's my issue 2 some point.

SMS: In flight. Sometimes I feel I'm babysitting a kid. He's a good guy, but I'm frustrated... I'm a believer in "a time/place" 4 everything.

SMS: In flight. ThumbSucker can B so hypocritical. He hates when ppl kick/push his seat. He climed over the seats, pusing the ppl in front. Rude.

SMS: In seat 41B. ThumbSucker is in 41A. Can't wait 2 pass out. And can't wait to B in NYC.

I slipped

Tonight, I talked on the phone for an hour with one of my internal clients (one of the fine women in my life who I consider a bud). She is visiting New York this week until Friday. ThumbSucker and I arrive Saturday, so I'm bummed I will not have a chance to see her for some time, especially as she is relocating from Dallas to London at the end of the month.

JBurt: Oh no. We won't see each other...
me: Yeah, I'm bummed. By the way, I'm bringing the better-half this time.
JBurt: You two must go to the Met! I hear they have a once in a lifetime exhibit... Pieces from everywhere in one location... Van Goghes... I hear it's supposed to be incredible.
me: Anything else we should check out? Keep in mind that while I'm in the office, the better-half will be in the city...
JBurt: And you must go watch a show. Go see "The Producers." It's great!

Then we talked again about when she worked at Apple... About how every five years you had to take a mandatory sabbatical; and for her second sabbatical, she went to London. On some days, she would watch three shows. "Oh I'd go to my French language class in the morning, then watch a matinee show. A matinee back then cost eight pounds, and there were no lines then, you know... Then I'd watch another show, and another. It was great." Goodness I said. "And I'd go to the museums... I'm sure I had seen more than most people from London." I'm sure too.

I asked if she was married at the time. She was (and she still is). He's a pilot who had the JFK to London route. How perfect I said. "So he would come for two or three days each week, and we'd hang out." Splendid. "And we drove to Ireland... It's so beautiful there. And the people are so friendly. They all liked my husband because he has sort of an orange complexion. His background is Irish, you know."

So then I told her that my "better-half" is from Dublin, Ireland. "Oh really? Wow!" Yes. Then I accidentally said ThumbSucker's name. It's a Gaelic name for crying out loud... And unless you didn't know, you may think ThumbSucker's name could be a chick's name. But no. JBurt asked, "So how long have you been dating him?" I was busted! Well, not busted. But I was now out to JBurt. Goodness. She was the one person I didn't want to know because she's from Texas. I feel bad for having thought that.

Side track: This reminds me of the first time I came out to someone at my company. In May 2005, at a tradeshow, my VP (former internal client then) and I were talking about how his wife and other co-workers' wives work at their old company. I was shocked, and said, "My ex works at [old company name]." He asked who. Without thinking I said, "[ex boyfriend's name.]" He said he had not heard of him. Gah. I can't believe it - I slipped. But he was fine with "it." I guess we have a few things in common - no hair on our head, we're the same height and we're both attached to natives of Ireland. We're supposed to get together for chow when we're in New York next week. I'm excited. ThumbSucker and my VP's wife can talk about tinkers and knackers, the Wards and the Montgomerys, and all things Ireland.

Back to tonight: JBurt didn't even stutter. It wasn't an issue. She was completely fine with "it." As a matter of fact, she asked more questions about ThumbSucker. "When did he move to the U.S.? Does he still have family in Ireland?" I told her that ThumbSucker plans to bring me to Ireland sometime this year. "Good, so when you're out here, you need to come to London as well, and work out of the London office." I agreed.

JBurt is swell. She told me that she tells everyone in her organization she has my back. "[my name] knows what he's doing. He's a fantastic guy. He'll tell you what to do..." And she kept going. I said thank you after the praise session.

I really work with a great group of people... I came to this company because I believe in our vision. I said that one year ago, and I still say it today. I guess there are other companies I could look at as I've been approached by recruiters, but I'm sure as hell they could not provide what I have here.

Okay, I'll stop before I become too sappy. It's not becoming of me.

G'night.