I'll have your ribs, please

Last week, I attended a surprise birthday party for, Baby (the main person featured on Herman's blog). Nearly 20 of Baby’s friends converged at Baby and Herman’s cute apartment located in New York’s Hells Kitchen, or Hellsea as some call it as it is the new Chelsea. I could not stop admiring the pillow shams Baby sewed. I repeated how I must commission him to make some for my place in the LC.

At around 11:00 p.m., we walked up to West 52nd Street to a bar called Therapy Bar. With nearly 20 strong, we immediately took over the back of the upstairs bar area. By this time, everyone was inebriated or on the way to becoming. At 2:00 a.m., Herman left, leaving, only Baby, Herman’s sister and me from the original pack. Can I just tell you I love Herman’s sister? There definitely is a family resemblance, but she is just the cutest thing. She dragged me up to the stage a few times to dance when no one else danced. Apparently this is a law in New York – no dancing at bars. Pfft! Whatever, come to San Francisco, then.

At any rate, Herman’s sister, said, “You grind like a straight guy.” I have a tendency to do that with “fag hags” or “fruit flies” because I know that they know that I’m harmless.

It was also around this time when Baby, Herman’s sister and I met “the two from New Jersey.” One guy was 5’8”, not bad looking, and obviously not out. Also, he was a Sigma Chi at school. (Note: I’ve never had a good experience with Sigma Chi guys. Never.) He was very “straight-acting,” reserved, and hitting on Herman’s sister and Baby simultaneous. Oh these bi guys… Make up your mind already.

The other half of “the two from New Jersey” was a 6’3”, 210-pound giant. He was not bad looking, but not my type physically. Unfortunately, I attracted him for whatever reason, and we would not let me be. He started with a harmless pass, trying to kiss me, then became immediately aggressive when I refused his advances. He then said he was attending an Ivy League school, studying to become a lawyer so he can take over his family’s business. I was not impressed. What came soon afterwards was hilarious. In addition to his aggressive pursuit of my person, he said that he would take me home to meet his parents, and that I’d be a prized boyfriend of a Jewish family. I was like, “What? Uh, OK.” That was so out of left field.

It must have been 3:30 a.m. now when the ultimate faux pa happened. Giant dude continued to assault my face with his lips and tongue, when he pushed me back, and fell on me! Let me repeat this. Dude fell on me!

I didn’t realize it until the next morning when my right ribs hurt, and I wondered why they did. Then I remembered. Goodness, I should have kicked his ass. My ribs and back still hurt one week later.

The case for going vegetarian

I am seriously considering becoming a vegetarian. Why? So last night, I cooked a sausage pasta dish, which didn’t agree with my stomach. At around 11:00 p.m., my stomach started growling and hurt acutely. I decided that I could sleep it off. All was well until 1:00 a.m. or so when I woke up with the urge to vomit. This continued every half hour until 7:00 a.m. Every time I would vomit, I thought, “ha, that will be the last. I’m done!” Wrong. It continued, and continued. Drinking water did not help as it fueled the gurgling feeling in my belly. However, I thought that if I drank more water, I’d flush out everything bad in my stomach. Eventually, I did. At 8:00 a.m. or so, my stomach settled, and I felt like I got my ass kicked, hard. I curled into bed, and slept until 10:30 a.m. when a guy I was supposed to meet called. I had to break the news that I could not met him, and why. He was not thrilled.

Every hour or so, I woke up to drink cranberry juice. I needed calories for energy, and the juice did the trick. I continued to sleep until 5:00 p.m. today, when I awoke with a fever and profuse sweating. I had to admit, it felt good. I knew the end would be near.

It’s 7:00 p.m. now, and I’m feeling better. Still weak, but better. I drank soy milk for protein, but my taste buds are shot that the milk tasted gnarly. I’m back to drinking water and cranberry juice.

And I’m seriously considering becoming a vegetarian. I may continue to eat fish, which I rarely do, but I’m going to give up meat. I’ll update you on my progress.

You say what?

Overheard at a furniture store in Manhattan over the weekend: "So, you know I'm a born again Christian, right?" His female friend did not respond.

So where's your shiny glass pipe?

Heard today: "These devices are like crack to them. And you know about crack... Once you're on crack, you can't get off."