(G'damn) SM PD

So...

Sooo!!

So, tonight, I went to McGoo's farewell/b'day party at Kingfish in San Mateo. I arrived late because I did not receive the evite, but rather the text last week from McGoo that said, "come to the house on saturday at 7." Whatever, tonight, I drove past the now vacant house at around 9:00 p.m., and all the lights were off. So, I headed up to the city.

At around 10:15 p.m., McGoo calls. "Dude, where are you? Come to Kingfish in San Mateo. We have the entire bottom floor. Sujai and Anthony are here." Me: "Dude, I rolled past the house in B'game. All the lights were off. OK, I'll head over."

I arrive at Kingfish at around 10:45 p.m., and head downstairs to the "private event." I see AP, Bartolo and a few others. After chatting with a few peeps, McGoo introduced me to John Grosfeld, a guy I used to talk with when I was back at the Edelclan. He sells speaking opportunities for vendor executives to speak their mind at certain industry events. Good guy.

At any rate, I had a glass of cab. After a few minutes...

I had another glass of cab. And after a few more minutes...

I had another glass of cab. And after a few more minutes...

Yeah, I had another glass of cab.

At around 12:15 a.m., we exited the restaurant. We said our goodbyes, and I got into my car. I felt fine, despite the rain.

No more than driving three blocks, I see the Po Po lights. Mutherfukka!

I handed my license and registration as asked. I got out of my car as asked.

And then the battery of "are you a drunk muthafukka" test...

"Have you had anything to drink tonight"? (I answered "yes," two big glasses of wine.)

"What did you have to eat today"? (A Cliffbar for breakfast, soup and noodles of lunch, and a fairly big dinner.)

"What time did you start drinking"? (8:00 p.m.)

I aced the test of following the officer's pen... Left, right, center, away, close.

I aced the test of bringing my feet together, hands at my side, eyes closed, looking up, and reciting the ABCs from A to Z at a healthy clip.

I aced the test of balancing on one foot, with my right foot extended forward, looking at my right foot, with hands at my side, and reciting the ABCs from A to Z at a healthy clip.

I aced the walking test - walking eight heal-to-top steps forward, turn around, and walk six heal-to-toe steps.

I aced the writing test - writing the first half of the English alphabet on the top half of an index card, and the second half of the English alphabet on the bottom half, with my signature and date at the very bottom. I remember the officer's question: "Do you know the English alphabet"? I bit my tongue, and decided to not be a smart ass. Being a smart ass in this situation really meant being a dumb ass.

After the writing test, another cruiser pulled up with a breathalyzer test. I was giving the option to forgo the test, but if I passed on the test, then the officer would make his decision based on my performance on the battery of tests. (Again, I aced them.) I didn't want to risk that.

Feeling confident, I took the breathalyzer test. I came in just below the legal limit.

"Without looking at your watch, can you tell me what time is it"? (Officer, I do not wear a watch, but I'd say it is approximately 12:45 a.m.)

"Can you tell me today's date"? (Technically, it is Sunday, February 11.)

I told the officer (who I swear wanted to find some reason to book me) that I'd park my car, and walk to Jack in the Box for food. He said that is a good idea, and that I was legal to drive, but I'm on the border.

That's right, muthafukka. Don't fuk with E-Double!

To this day, I have not had a positive experience with a cops. (I've been profiled, stopped for racial issues, etc.) I imagine the day will come when I hook up with one, but until then, I do not care for cops.